Twitter has been all aflutter this past week and as spectators, we’ve been here for it! The two most prominent stories and probably the most retweeted, forwarded, talked about, you-name-it, was both the #HurtBae and #StrandedBae spectacles.
Now granted, both were at opposite ends of the spectrum to some extent. #HurtBae pulled at our heartstrings, made some cry through memories of similarity, and brought about discussions on the sincerity of the man and woman involved. Meanwhile, #StrandedBae, while also capturing our undivided attention, had us reeling with laughter at the foolishness that ensued between two people with a love gone awry. Of course the feelings garnered by each were different in most respects. OR were they? When the details were stripped down to the bare bones of both stories—weren’t they ultimately painting the same picture? Weren’t the stories giving us another example of women being hurt by men they felt loved them, and how those same women then tried to figure out next steps on getting through their pain? Let’s discuss…
When I tell you the pain felt from rejection is one of the most heart wrenching pains ever known…I can’t even exaggerate. It takes soooooo much for people—both men and women—to get to the point where they can be vulnerable to the person they ‘love,’ only to have that same person betray their trust…now that’s some painful stuff! Add to that pain the layer of a nonchalant attitude, or better still, the attitude of ‘Yes, I did it, don’t know why, but hey, I’m sorry. You good right?’ Um, no bruh…not good at all. As a matter of fact if I see you on the street…ok, haven’t we all had that feeling? Haven’t we all had moments of wishing we could mush dude in the face for all the ish he’s pulled? (SN: chicks bring out these feelings too, I’m not totally biased here)! Seeing red is an understatement in those situations…ask me how I know, lol!
Even still, with all that hurt, pain, rejection, confusion, disappointment, anger, bitterness, refusal to accept reality, pettiness (did I miss any?)…with all of those expected emotions, there has to be a way to move on. There has to be a way to maneuver through it successfully. There has to be a way to ‘Get a life.’
As people with the need to love—yes, it’s smack dab in the middle of Maslow’s Hierarchy so you know it’s legit—we have to figure out how to first, love ourselves and truly mean it, before we can begin to show love to and receive it from others. It sounds so much easier than it is in real life. However, I absolutely believe it can be accomplished.
There have been many approaches to this idea of getting over hurt and honestly, it truly depends on the person and where things are centered for that individual. Some take on a new hobby. Some take on a new educational goal. Some exercise. Some take on a new relationship. [Please note—I often joke about the best way to get over someone is to get under/find another. In some cases, this CAN be a great distraction, in others not so much; it’s NOT the only answer, nor is it always the right answer for everyone.]
One of the ways I’ve found to be a great approach to the beginning phase of overcoming hurt is to identify where it’s coming from or what the actual hurt is triggering inside of the individual. It could be signaling a place inside of you that was not considered prior to the incident, and that’s okay. It’s super easy to get caught up in being angry at the person who triggered the hurt, but when the chips really fall—you have to look at yourself in the mirror daily, not that person. If you don’t address the real issue, it will continue to come back, over and over and over. Meanwhile, you are stacking up little hurt pebbles against others that have nothing to deal with the real problem. Soon you will have your very own hurt wall and guess what? The wall you build is only closing you out, while oftentimes everyone else is skipping through their lives no longer thinking about you, the incident, or anything connected. Work on stopping that cycle. Figure out why it (whatever the ‘it’ is, hurt so much. Why did it bother you? Why do you care? Aside from abuse, violence, or assault it is important to focus on yourself to keep from holding bitterness towards the other person.
As you dig into the real substance of the problem, plan how to work towards fixing it/overcoming the hurt, i.e. getting a life! It may require prayer (a quick go to for those who practice). It may warrant a visit with a therapist—which is highly recommended no matter the size of the issue. It may require surrounding yourself with those who love you and can pull you away to have some fun. It may require all of these suggestions and more. Regardless, don’t be afraid of the work. Don’t be afraid to uncover some good and not so great things in order to stop hurting. Don’t be afraid to give your best effort and ‘Get a Life!’
Until next time,